BrewOps: I built a production-grade HTCPCP server because nobody else would

This is a submission for the DEV April Fools Challenge What I built We identified a critical gap in modern cloud infrastructure. RFC 2324, the Hyper Text Coffee Pot Control Protocol, has been a ratified internet standard since April 1, 1998. Twenty-eight years ago. It defines BREW and WHEN as HTTP methods. It specifies 418 I'm a Teapot as a status code. It mandates the Accept-Additions header for cream and whisky. It requires servers to return Safe: if-user-awake on every response. And in 28 years, nobody built a production-ready implementation with SLA monitoring. Nobody added an incident timeline. Nobody tracked Caffeine Dispensed as a metric. Nobody implemented the Security Considerations section, which literally warns about "denial of coffee service attacks." Until now. BrewOps is a fully RFC 2324-compliant HTCPCP/1.0 server. Written in Go. Zero external dependencies. It includes RFC 7168 TEA extension support, a live web dashboard, a CLI called brew-ctl (because kubectl was taken)